In late July, I was accepted into the Positive Intelligence (PQ) Grant Program, which has proven to be an extremely valuable learning experience.
The premise of this program is to measure and improve individuals’ mental fitness by identifying and weakening their internal saboteurs while strengthening their positive, sage-like mental muscles.
Sage-like mental muscles refer to experiencing peace and happiness, free from judgment, regardless of the situation.
The goal is to recognize which saboteur is activated so you can return to your sage state, thereby enhancing your overall happiness, performance, and effectiveness in both your personal and professional life.
Last week’s topic was “Judge, The Master Saboteur.”
The judge saboteur is in all of us, whether we’re aware of it or not.
As I worked through the exercise, I became keenly aware of how often my judge saboteur was activated.
Along with this heightened awareness, I also recognized the judge saboteur in others who had little to no awareness their judging mindset was controlling them.
Witnessing this saboteur’s overall negative impact and control over us, I wanted to share this information so that we can become aware when our judge saboteur is at work and break free from these triggers, allowing us to return to our true selves of inner peace and authenticity.
How often do you judge yourself? Judge others? Or judge the circumstances surrounding you? Are you aware of the daily thoughts flowing through your mind?
Judgment is the inner critical voice that constantly assesses and criticizes ourselves, others, and situations.
It consumes us with negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions, often disguising itself by convincing our minds that we must be rational and reasonable.
It’s the saboteur that hides in the shadows of our consciousness, trying to control us.
How long does this last? As long as we remain in the negative vortex of judgment. This pervasive inner critic has far-reaching consequences on our psychological, mental, and physical well-being.
Learning to judge often originates from childhood—
we’re not born with it.
The environment you grew up in determines how strongly it affects you. Without this awareness, you carry this ingrained behavior into adulthood, where it becomes part of your daily thought process and decision-making.
It continuously reminds you that you’re not good enough, creating insecurity, low self-esteem, and emotional pain. It convinces you that you aren’t worthy of love, respect, or approval.
Children who grew up in an environment where love and approval were conditional believed their worth depended on external validation.
As an adult, they hold a deep fear of rejection and struggle with self-love, inadequacy, and a lack of true emotional security, often feeling a strong need to seek external validation and approval from others.
According to Shirzad Chamine, the best-selling author of Positive Intelligence, his research indicates that most children grow up experiencing love as conditional on being good or performing well. As a result, they develop the habit of placing those same conditions on their self-love and insecurity. He further shares that conditional love is not real.
True love doesn’t depend on specific behaviors, achievements, or circumstances. True love for ourselves or others is unconditional and provides safety, support, and acceptance. The judge saboteur has two other aspects: judging others and judging circumstances.
Shirzad theorized that when we judge others, our focus on being right not only triggers and reinforces the other person’s saboteur but also influences which version of that person emerges in our interactions with them.
How often do you find yourself in conflict with others—co-workers, spouses, family members, or friends? Conflicts often arise from underlying issues such as deeply ingrained beliefs, a need for control, or personal insecurities.
When this happens, step back, breathe, and return to the present moment to gain some perspective on what is triggering you.
One of the Positive Intelligence program exercises is to rub your thumb and index finger together. Focusing on the sensation of that slight movement shifts your awareness from the judge saboteur back to the present moment.
When you operate from the present moment, your mind shifts to a place where you can determine what drove the conflict and reach a neutral perspective.
The final judge saboteur is judging circumstances and events that lead to the belief that you can’t reach happiness until you…
According to Shirzad’s research, two lies are embedded in this belief. The first lie convinces you that you can’t be happy in your current circumstance because there is a ‘when’ condition for you to achieve true happiness. For example, I’ll be happy when I lose 50 pounds, become a VP, get married, buy a house, etc.
But what happens once you achieve your goal? The newness wears off, and you set another goal. Shirzad shows that the ‘when’ is a moving target rather than a promise. He says, “The ‘when’ gets renegotiated the moment it is about to be reached.”
How much time have we wasted trying to reach the ‘when?’ This is the judge saboteur,according to Shirzad, creating an ever-moving target to keep you in a state of unhappiness.
When we remain in our judge saboteur mindset, it keeps us from being present. Instead, we are often focused on the past or future, which hinders our ability to find sustainable happiness and peace.
This constant chasing of the next thing or judging of past decisions prevents us from fully experiencing the present moment.
So, how do we remove the judge? Through discernment.
Discernment is the ability to assess a situation objectively without personal biases and judgments.
According to Shirzad, discernment involves viewing a situation as it is and making decisions free from the influence of judging emotions like blame, anger, anxiety, disappointment, or betrayal.
He explains that when you experience these emotions, the judge is in control, and you are not operating from a place of true discernment because “Your distress is not caused by what happened; it’s caused by your Judge’s reaction to it.”
Reflection
Think about a time you received criticism — whether for a project you worked on, a presentation you gave, or feedback during a review. What was your initial reaction? Did you become defensive and argumentative, or did you shut down because your feelings were hurt? In this scenario, the “judge” saboteur takes control of your emotions and makes you feel like a victim.
Had you used discernment, you would have approached the feedback with openness and appreciation rather than viewing it as a personal attack.
Discernment involves separating your emotions from the facts and moving beyond the need to be right or to prove someone wrong. It helps you navigate stressful situations with clarity and objectivity, making decisions based on a clear, unbiased perspective.
The next time someone criticizes you or offers constructive feedback, pause and view it through the lens of wisdom rather than reacting impulsively. Recognizing your impulsive emotions is an indication that your judge saboteur is activated.
Game Time
Who would like to join me in the Judgment Awareness Game this week? The rules are simple:
- Judgment Score: Every time you judge yourself, others, or circumstances, award yourself 1 point.
- Discernment Score: Every time you shift from judgment to discernment, award yourself 2 points.
Add up your total points at the end of the day. Spend a few minutes thinking about your experiences where you found yourself judging and if you shifted to discernment.
In your journal, reflect on these questions:
- How long did it take you to shift from judgment to discernment?
- If you were unable to make the shift, why? What could you have done differently?
- How many times throughout the day were you present? In other words, you were fully engaged mentally and emotionally without thoughts or distractions that pulled you to past regrets or future anxieties.
If you struggle to return to the present moment, remember the Positive Intelligence exercise mentioned above: Rub your thumb and index finger together; it immediately shifts your awareness back to the present moment.
If you felt you could have done better, that’s great awareness, and tomorrow is a new day. If you felt you did well, then reward yourself.
Your total score for the day will be your starting score for the next day.
Consider playing this game with a friend or two to turn it into a fun challenge. You can set a goal of reaching a combined 100 points. If you succeed, treat yourself to a special outing. If you didn’t reach your goal, credit yourself for your efforts and continue with the game the following week.
Good luck, and have fun with this challenge!
Explore further insights on fearlessly authentic living in my other articles on social media and my upcoming book, Courageously Authentic, A Woman’s Guide to Transform Pain into Power, Fear into Courage, and Dreams into Reality.
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