Have you ever found yourself caught in a silent war of expectations? A subtle conflict plays out within you, often without conscious awareness.

You set standards for others — how you expect them to behave, what you anticipate them to say, or how you envision events unfolding. Yet, you forget one crucial step: communicating your expectations.

When reality doesn’t align with our silent standards, disappointment creeps in. Frustration follows suit, and eventually, resentment settles in so deep that it erodes the trust in our relationship.

We become so focused on our disappointment and hurt that we don’t realize we’ve unfairly set the other person up for failure because we assume they know what we want.

Why do we do this?

Because we are unaware that these behaviors often stem from childhood learning, environmental influences, or past experiences emphasizing the need for control.

To change this pattern, we must start by being aware of these personality traits.

Remember, this isn’t about judgment.

It’s about having the courage, humility, and desire to allow deep healing and personal growth to occur so we feel comfortable expressing our needs.

There’s a famous quote by Neil Strauss:

“Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.”

This underscores the consequences of neglecting to communicate our needs in relationships.

These behaviors can play out in our marriages, friendships, and professional lives. The more comfortable we become in our relationships, the higher the risks of unspoken expectations.

This happens for many reasons: distractions, stress, perfectionism, manipulation, assumptions that others know, the need to control others to get what we want, or forgetting to communicate.

Before assuming that we are the victims of circumstances, it’s important to understand why this is happening—why are we setting silent expectations? Are we aware that we’re creating this experience for the other person? Did we communicate effectively?

Or, are you saying to yourself, “I’m the victim here. They are doing it to me. It’s unfair.”

There is a spiritual law that I’ve written about before that we should consider before placing blame.

When we experience a challenging situation, it does not happen “TO US” but rather “THROUGH US.”

The person who triggers your emotions acts like a mirror, reflecting the energy of your thoughts, emotions, and feelings that you’re putting out to the universe, essentially saying, ‘I want more of that!’

For example, let’s say you’re frustrated with a co-worker because they never stay late like you do. Consciously or unconsciously, you’re setting an unspoken expectation for your co-workers, which they are unaware of, causing a buildup of frustration and resentment toward them.

The mirror in this example reflects that you may need to establish boundaries and achieve a better work-life balance. If you delve deeper into the origin of the belief that you must sacrifice your well-being for your job or others, you’ll realize it’s a learned behavior instilled in you at some point in your life.

Until you heal this belief and shift your energy from low-vibrational frequency (anger, frustration, resentment) to high-vibrational frequency (self-love, healthy boundaries, and self-care), the triggers will persist because the universe doesn’t distinguish between light and dark, right or wrong; it operates on energy – what you put out, is what you get back.

By having awareness the person causing you to have an emotional trigger is simply a teacher, regardless of how you feel about them, allows you to heal this pattern that prevents you from living your most authentic and fulfilling life. Once you heal the issue, it will no longer trigger you.

This can be a tough pill to swallow, but stay with me as we explore more of this spiritual law.

Close your eyes for a moment and imagine a large whiteboard filled with words and images representing your thoughts, emotions, feelings, and expectations.

What do you see? What silent expectations are you setting for yourself? For others? Are these expectations setting you up for success or disappointment?

What words are on your board? Are they positive and healing for your mind, emotional, and physical body?

Do they improve your self-esteem and self-worth, allowing you to remain in a state of self-love and happiness?

Or are they filled with words that fuel debilitating feelings of regret, shame, anger, judgment, and frustration? Do they reinforce the “illusion” that you’re not good enough?

Positive or negative, this is the energy you’re sending to the universe, asking for more experiences that match your vibrational frequency.

You may not even be aware that you’re doing this because you’re so consumed with negative emotions that have trapped you in a vortex of repeated experiences that trigger you.

Stop. Breathe. Erase your board and start over.

Forgive yourself for the lack of awareness. We’re all human. It’s easy to get caught up in the drama of day-to-day life, especially when we’re tired, stressed, or overwhelmed by challenges.

This is why it’s so important to find 10 minutes a day to clear your energy, return to zero, and reconnect with the Divine so you can hear the inspiration and turn off the ego mind that is driving you to exhaustion or reinforcing the illusions that you’re not worthy.

In my last article, “From Guilt to Grace: Embracing Self-Forgiveness for True Healing,” I wrote about the Ho’oponopono healing practice, which can provide rapid healing and release deep emotions. I practice this several times daily and have experienced remarkable results.

When I have a conflict with someone, I perform the Ho’oponopono before addressing the other person, erase my whiteboard, and fill it with loving experiences, words, and expectations for the highest good of all those involved.

By doing this quick practice, my conversations go much smoother because I have removed the anger, frustration, or the need to be the victim or be right. I approach the conversation from a state of zero — a place of calm, clarity, and openness.

Sharing your feelings from the state of zero allows for open communication and an opportunity to reach a joint understanding that meets both of your needs.

You can accomplish this by expressing to the other person that your relationship is important to you and asking how you can each be more receptive and communicate more openly.

This approach ensures that each of you knows the other’s expectations and encourages a healthy dialogue to discuss successful outcomes.

This is a different way of handling emotionally fueled experiences, and I invite you to see this as an opportunity to shift your perspective.

Embrace an open mind and a willing heart as you navigate the silent wars within. Allow yourself to communicate more freely, heal old patterns, and nurture your relationships with clarity and compassion.

Remember, every challenge is a chance for growth, and every expectation is an opportunity to deepen your understanding and connection.

Let this journey be one of self-discovery, healing, and profound transformation, knowing you are worthy and deserve to live the life you desire.

Thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts, experiences, and opinions.

Explore further insights on fearlessly authentic living in my other articles and my upcoming book, which will soon be released! Stay tuned for the upcoming release date.